Smiling Eyes

Seth has beautiful smiling eyes. I can see love in them when he looks at me and Luke, excitement when he's discovering something new, and I can see the look for reassurance from me when he's scared or hurt. There are so many things his little eyes and expressions tell me, it's such a blessing.

In about a week my son will be going to see an ophthalmologist  about his eyes. For those of you who don't know, Seth has blocked tear ducts in both eyes. We were hoping that his eyes would clear up by now, on their own, but they haven't. This will be our first visit with this doctor and I pray that we wont have to wait months more before getting his eyes cleared up.

The procedure that will probably be done is, as far as we know, performed by the ophthalmologist and he'll use a small probe and pass it through Seth's tear ducts to open them up, while Seth is under anesthesia. I'm anxious about having this all done to my little guy. But I also hope that it will clear up his constantly irritated eyes. He's had repeated eye infections, raw eyelids and skin around his eyes because of steady tears running down his face and his little fists rubbing at them.

There are several reason we've waited so long to take care of this problem. First off, our doctor (whom we are no longer with) casually told us to go see the eye doctor when Seth was about 6 months old. There was a brief, 'Oh, it's just blocked tear ducts, nothing serious' comment as we were hurried through our appointment. So I didn't feel the need to add extra doctor's visits for something that wasn't a big deal.

I later looked up things we could do to try and clear them up on our own, including warm damp cloths, pressure/massaging the corner of the eye, and keeping them clean. Most of the research I did said that the ducts should clear up on their own by the time Seth turns one. I also thought it might be allergies.

However, if anything, his little eyes have gotten worse. People are constantly asking, 'Was he just crying?' or 'What's wrong with his eyes?' We had drops for his eyes, which cleared them up for about a week, but since then it's been rough. One or both of his eyes is always filled with icky green build-up, making it hard for Seth to open his eyes at times.

I am looking forward to when he can see without all the goop around his eyes and I wont have to constantly wipe away the tears that aren't draining properly. I want to see his smiling eyes without seeing the redness and irritation.

I know it's a very small problem, in the grand scheme of things, but I'm still praying for healing for my little boy.

June 26th, 2007

December 2007

Six years ago, today, Luke and I started dating, officially. We first met in a neighborhood coffee shop that was a start-off point for a college group I had been attending. It was probably my second time going to this college group and I didn't know many people there. I felt a bit out of place and a little lost. The two previous years had been quite eventful for me. A year in Central Asia and then a semester at Trinity Western University in Langley, BC. Now I was back home, living with my parents, attending Mt. Hood Community College, and working three part-time jobs.

The college group was a good place for me to meet some new people and attend a new church. I remember seeing Luke, and his friend Chad, come through the door at Cafe Delirium, mid-January 2007,  and there was something about Luke that caught my attention. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but I knew I wanted to know more about this guy. The funny thing is, though, I kept telling myself not to be focused on guys for a while. Just enjoy life as it was and not get caught up in this 'does he like me?' fog.

As spring started, Luke and I hung out more and more. Starting out with friends from college group, then gradually just the two of us. I remember after a while thinking that this friendship was not going anywhere, that I was in another friendship that was just that, friends. I had made the mistake, multiple times, of thinking there was something more, when there wasn't. So I was very cautious about getting hurt again. I told myself I needed to stop hanging out with Luke, but then I got a phone call after work one day.

He called and asked if I wanted to go out to a movie, I told him I needed to call him back cause I was still at work. (I had just got off my shift as a swim instructor and needed to clean up) Immediately after I hung up with him, I called my friend Katelyn and asked, "What am I supposed to do??" She in turn said, "Get off the phone with me, call him, and say YES!!" :) Luke and I did go out that night, and had a blast.

A couple weeks later, walking through the park, Luke asked me to be his girlfriend. I tried not to be too excited, or giddy, so I simply answered, "I think I could do that." I can't believe how fast six years goes by. I think we've changed a lot since first getting to know each other and it's good to look back  and see how far we've come.

2008

Bikes, Hikes, and Bug Bites

After months of feeling locked inside our one-bedroom apartment we're so grateful for the nice weather! We considered, only briefly, buying a second car so I could get out more with Seth, but our budget doesn't allow for that. So, we compromised and found a bike for Luke to ride to work! He doesn't bike to work everyday, but having the freedom to actually make plans after one o'clock in the afternoon is WONDERFUL.

You have no idea how isolating it is when your home is too small to invite people over and you can't meet friends anywhere because you don't have transportation. I feel like I've lost friendships over the last two years because of the disconnect we've had; from our work in youth ministry, 9 months without internet at home, change in churches, and a work schedule that is opposite of others'. Hopefully some of the changes we're making now will help us reconnect with people we've lost touch with over the last few years.

Along with getting our 'second vehicle' this month, Seth is just about to turn 10 months. It's so fun to experience life through his eyes. His personality is really starting to develop. Just the other day he was playing peek-a-boo with me, using a blanket to hide. He's starting to laugh and giggle more too. Sometime last week we heard him laughing in his bed around 6 a.m.  I went out to check on him and he had pushed the mattress pad of the Pac-N-Play up and was sitting there kicking it, watching it flap back and forth... I guess it was really funny...

Recently we've been able to take some day trips to explore the outdoors with Seth. My brother, Eric, and his fiance, Cassandra, took us on a hike to Ramona Falls. Quite the hike,  but so worth it. I think it's a 7 mile hike, round trip. I haven't been on that long of a hike since I was in high school, I'm sure!

Cannon Beach

Another day we drove to Cannon Beach and played in the sand for a bit. Seth LOVED it. He's a fan of wide open spaces where he can crawl fast and far. Definitely got mad at me when I tried to get him to take an afternoon nap that day.

At Little Crater Lake

A couple weekends ago we took a trip to Little Crater Lake where we celebrated Eric's 30th birthday and fought off mosquitoes. I think Seth only came away with one bite, lucky kid. It was another beautiful day and, if Luke hadn't had to be at work the next day, we would've tried camping. Maybe later this summer.

I'm really looking forward to more adventures as a family. More hikes and time at the pool; playing at the park and enjoying the warm sun on our faces. Life isn't perfect, but we're so thankful for what we have.

Death, where is your sting? - 1 Cor 15:55

Sometimes things just catch me off guard.

I was going through some old emails and deleting old accounts, when I ran across an email address that made me start to cry. You see, this summer, a dear friend of my sister and a former coworker of ours passed away. It was unexpected. He was 22 and though I hadn't seen him in several years it still hurts knowing he's gone. I worked at Montavilla pool for 8 summers and Michael was there the last couple years. He was a great kid, like another little brother. I wasn't able to go to his memorial service 'cause I was at a baby shower for my son, Seth. I think about him almost every day and I'm sad he's gone.

I don't understand why Michael's not here anymore. I don't know what was troubling him so much. I hurt for his family, having lost a brother and a son. Sometimes I look at my beautiful baby boy and I think how Michael's mom must be heartbroken. I can't imagine losing Seth.

I struggle to keep my hands open and keep Seth in God's hands. Things like this make me want to hold on to him so much tighter and hug him just a little longer. I guess it just proves I'm a momma.

My heart aches. There are several people fairly close to me who have lost loved ones lately, I just want to sit and cry with them and let them know it's OK that it hurts. I don't know what else to say. How do you comfort a friend who's lost their daughter or grandfather?

Easter is coming up in a few weeks. I'll probably be an emotional wreck, thinking about the mother's perspective this year. It's interesting how your point of view changes. Jesus wasn't just some single guy, He was a son, a brother, a friend, let alone the fact He is God. I often forget and take for granted what Jesus has done for me. I am so happy I can hope in Him.

5 1/2 Months Being a Mom

About a year ago we shared with the world the anticipation of our expected child. I wondered who this little person growing inside me would be, and I still wonder what kind of person he'll grow into.

Hey!

Seth is such a sweetheart. I know all mom's think their kids are the best, but seriously, how did I get to be the mommy of this wonderful baby boy? At Costco the other day a lady leaned over as we walked by and said, "No returns when they turn 12." I laughed, but it makes me sad too. I don't enjoy every second of being a mom, but his little smile and bear hugs when he's happy make the fussy/whiny times easier to deal with.

Snuggles & smiles

Currently he's teething. Which means he's fussy, a lot. But after nap time, when I pick him up out of his bed, he's so happy that his body can't hardly contain it. He squirms and wiggles, squeals and hugs me tight, smiles and kicks, it's one of my favorite parts of the day.  It's closely followed by bed time, just after feeding him his last bottle and he's got milk smeared all around his mouth, he snuggles into my shoulder and breaths heavily as he falls asleep.

"Helping" and talking with mom

Lately Seth has been all about daddy, too. He loves to be with Luke. The other night, not long after Luke got home from work, Seth woke up. Seth usually stays mostly asleep when I change his diaper and feed him during the night, but last night he saw daddy and squealed with excitement, didn't want to have anything to do with me, just get to Luke as fast as he could. After Seth snuggled into Luke's shoulder and talked to him for a little while, he did eventually fall back to sleep. It makes me happy that Seth loves his dad.

Pretty soon our little guy is going to be crawling, eating solids, and growing up. I am so happy that I get to spend this time with him. It's not always easy, but I'm very grateful that I can be at home with him.

Seth

Our little Seth Avery is here!

Seth arrived August 22, at 11:40am, after about 13 hours of labor.  I won’t go into all the details of labor and delivery; I’ll just say it was worth it. Seth was 21 inches long, had a 14 ¼ inch head circumference, and was 8lbs 1oz; a precious and healthy baby boy.

We decided on Seth’s name after months and months of writing lists, looking up meanings, and searching online.  We wanted a good strong name for our son, one that had a good meaning, and about a million other stipulations. But we finally narrowed it down to Seth, which means appointed, and Avery which means, wise ruler; noble. The only problem is that, even after two weeks, I am still getting used to saying Seth instead of Baby. 

When he was laid on my chest, Luke leaned over and whispered in my ear, ‘it’s a boy!’ I don’t really know how to describe in words what I felt in that moment.  However, I did know Seth was meant for us, he was the child we prayed for, for over two years we prayed. All the heartache of waiting, not so patiently, and he’s finally here.

It’s hard to get through this without crying. I am so thankful that God blessed us with Seth. He was handpicked just for us and arrived precisely on time. Not on my time schedule, mind you, but God’s; he was, after all, born at 41 weeks.

I’d better get going, the little guy is waking up from his nap.

Anticipation

I'm sure I have friends and family checking my facebook page often to see if baby's come yet or not. And no, baby is taking his/her time. Due date is only two days away, but it seems like the days are getting slower and slower as we get closer.

Luke and I are so excited to meet our baby. My hospital bag has been packed and waiting by the door for at least two weeks, Baby's car seat is buckled in the car, and I think we're as set as we can be for when we bring Baby back from the hospital.

Am I impatient? YES, VERY!! Well, at least yesterday and today. Sleep doesn't really happen anymore, and I can't see my toes, let alone bend over to pick something up off the floor. Sliding sideways through a narrow spot doesn't work, my belly gets in the way...yet I still think I might just make it. :) Most of this stuff is funny and doesn't bother me too much, I'm just ready to hold my little one and maybe feel a little more normal.

One of the few things that makes me feel nearly normal is swimming. I've only been a few times to the pool at our apartment, but my back doesn't ache when I'm in the water and I almost forget I'm pregnant. Except for the fact that I have to wear shorts and a t-shirt over my swim suit cause it's a little too small right now, and it's a little more difficult to do certain strokes.

Some people have asked me if I've had any cravings the last few months or so. I don't think I've had anything out of the ordinary... Luke has treated me a couple times to late night snacks (nachos and on a separate occasion, ice cream with french fries.) But, I haven't wanted anything strange or gross.

Others have asked if I have leanings one way or the other on if baby's going to be a boy or girl. My answer is: I have no idea! Some days I think 'it's going to be a boy' and others 'it's definitely a girl'. So, we'll find out when it's time. :)

So, when will it be time? My bet is August 20th, sometime in the evening. What do you think?? Any bets?